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01 March 2015 @ 04:02 am
Already, it is the first of March, well into the blueberry thicket of 2015. The past two months have been packed with places to go and people to meet, which has been both comforting and worrying. Being busy has kept me from bleeding out at work, and always cognizant that life is Out-There, but worrying!, because it is always a groan on Mondays, and suddenly, it is Friday, which should be a relief, and it is!, just that time has gone through a blender and in between, it becomes an unrecognizable slush. Perhaps, I ought to be more focused and goal-oriented. But ah, the days are not a failure if I figure out life by negatives right? Picking out bold yeses from the barcode no-nos. Perhaps, the next year or so will be a (strenuous) exercise in dealing with limitations.

Oh, 2014! I miss you already: the odd, awkward limbo between reluctant lasts and hesitant firsts. The throwing caution to the winds, because there were sails to catch, and everybody had already scurried onto sampans. A mad scramble, a knowing scramble, that This Was It, the year when things were supposed to Begin, le grand start to the assembling of the final jigsaw puzzle. A whistling kettle, tabletops carved out of wrinkled wood, an artist's palette beyond the window- khakis and cerulean, softening gradients,- birdsong and the scent of autumn. With another year passed, I do hope it is another year closer to that tableaux, borne of exposure to stock photographs of winding countryside trails, forest fir, and the ultimate Nordic experience. Sometimes I wonder it is because it is as far from here as it would get. I probably won't be able to stay there for long though; I need bright lights, neon fights, and human anguish packed in slight shoulder shrugs, some place that can distract me with fevers and colour. Perhaps that is nirvana, should I learn to grow content with stillness. It was a restless and stellar year, 2014, and how apt, the timing of everything that had occurred, and how they stacked up, one above another, like an unsteady tower that somehow beamed light.

As with tradition, a 5 minute summary of the previous year: marathoned driving lessons, passed the test on first try whoop, freedom in a Polly Pocket that has left me stranded and teethering on a slope on one-too-many occasions, most tiring trainings ever- which made me lose control of all limbs and ignited unknown muscles-, first time dieting and making conscious decisions to eat clean, shaving off 6 kilograms by a certain deadline, running every other day, going to school once a week, ignoring thesis supervisor's emails, more trainings, first fight and a win, the most tiring 6 minutes EVER, finding a home stitched in good mornings and good nights and bad jokes in between, last-minute trips to the island at the other side of the island, writing 9000 words over 3 days, submitting the thesis on first complete draft, boarded a sturdy ship with a Scottish terrier, bringing tourist-friends around and hearing their amazement every time, lively Skype sessions in the dead of the night, climbed a mountain for the first time!! all 3726m of it and marveled at the splendor of a caldera lake and wrinkled sleeping bags in tents, Penang with two caffeine/shisha/Instagram addicts and hunting down hawker stalls on a file, staying up to watch World Cup 2014 and texting people exclamation marks to keep awake, applying for one job and going for one interview, GRADUATION! aka a whirl of photo-taking and a lot of vacuous clapping, last salvo of meeting people and traveling all over in daylight, starting my first full-time job, learning the ropes, growing more and more obsessed with exercise as a method of asserting autonomy over one's body and time, training for a 15km run, training for a longer run, completing my first half-marathon!!, meeting with people that I love and feeling touched and thankful every time.

2014 was also the Year of the... Old movies? I finally dug into Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music, and Singin' in the Rain. All three were instant favourites and ah, a grin plastered to face the whole time. And then, others that were nearly as lovely, A Roman Holiday, My Fair Lady, and An American in Paris, and OH MY GOODNESS, what have I been missing out on my whole life! It would be untrue to claim that those were simpler or better times, but damn, they do know how to present a romantic facade and the nostalgia for something that I had never known. Smokey eyes and oak wine, soft shoeshine sway, it is fantasy that lathers the soul with pure honey (and induces imitation. Damn it, why is it so hard to find tap dancing classes). There was the usual fare of dramas and sitcoms, made even more convenient with Netflix Originals and discovering cult classics, like Arrested Development and Veep. A quality year indeed.

As for personal growth, well, many novel experiences this year, which provided good learning points and positive reinforcements. I really do enjoy having a goal to work towards, especially the physical exertion type. Haha, I sound like a fitness junkie, which couldn't be further from the truth. But it is nice to know that I can push myself when needed and pull through. And becoming more considerate and caring? Hopefully. Got better at not wasting fucks on less satisfying things/people too, and on the whole, I was glad to have spent much more time with family and friends who matter. Everything felt like serendipity, a beautiful happenstance, and it could be the rose-tint of these dratted glasses, but oh, wouldn't it be lovely to go back once more to an April 8th, or a March 8th, or an August 8th? (OK, LUCKY NUMBER WAS EVIDENTLY #8) happysighemoji. Resolutions for 2015: MAINTAIN, or soar. Catchy and pithy, and homg, I am so sleepy.
♫: Beck - A Golden Age
12 February 2015 @ 12:20 am

and i imagine this playing, we are dancing on poppy breeze and cruising along the highway, and the sunlight is dappled, like a strobe light that pulsates in and out of focus, "until you came to me", "until it came to be", and the hypnotic gyrations of a gaze caught between two people, both whom would rather tear up than turn away, the canter of a music-box jingle, memories on a carousel, a bit blurry, there is motion and laughter and flurried lights, a dark thrumming in the background, as the film reel flips to a montage, hyper cuts, jump cuts, of arms around shoulders, and heads back in giggles, and feet pointed in the same direction, the northern crooks of smiles, dimples deepening ever so slightly, thennnnnn the jagged violin and the click-clock of a pendulum, and the light begins to dawn, over-exposed, and the world spins around and we are at a beach, we are on a hiking trail, we are in the thick of a forest, we are on a sand dune, we are on cobblestone, we are under torii gates, we are over the crests of hills, we are among thistles and sunflowers and lavender all around, as the sun shines, and it pans towards the golden bath, like alternating diamonds, until the final sparkle turns to white, and a hovering ellipsis...

i can't wait. :)
気持: happy
♫: RAC - We Belong (feat. Katie Herzig)
04 February 2015 @ 01:19 am
Every day, I skip off into the dawdling sunshine, waning but holding its shimmer as the hour stretches till the very last moment. It comes easily when dusk leaves a tenuous grasp: the desire to make magick, be magic, to will oneself to be transported to when one knows to be a happier, freer time. And then, it dissipates into the swell of midnight blues, because it comes first, comes certain, it comes easy.
♫: Jesse Woods - Gold in the Air